Having a fight with mum because I told her that she was a bad parent for sending me to boarding school when I was 11. Great. I got told today that my grandfather is moving in with us for the next 6 months. There are holidays for me in less than a month and mum wants one of us kids to move into the garage so he can have one of our rooms. Firstly I am not moving all of my stuff into the garage and secondly I am actually over all this stuff with him. I understand that he's sick and stuff but him moving in with us has made us broke because we have to pay for his medical bills, he doesn't help around the house(yes I know he's sick and stuff so he can't do much but we have to look after him and watch him). Having him in the house is a constant reminder of death and it makes me feel worse. I know that because he's sick that he can't go anywhere else but it still frustrates me. I can't have friends over any more because mum thinks that they will feel awkward being around him. I'm not allowed to have parties any more. It just sucks being at home at the moment.
I had a practise exam for English on Friday, which is two 1000 word essays in two hours. I think I did some what good on my analytical essay but when it came to my reflective essay I couldn't think of anything to write. I only managed to write a page worth of things. It was really bad. I won't be surprised if I absolutely failed it. I just feel more embarrassed that when my teacher comes to read it and she's going to be so disappointed in me. I'm a bit worried that when she comes to talk about it to me that I might start crying. I just couldn't concentrate at all, I had so many thoughts racing through my head that I couldn't even remember what I was supposed to be writing about.
I have exams in three weeks. I'm so scared that when it comes to my English exam that I'm going to freeze again and not be able to write anything.
When I get like this the only thing that I want to do is get drunk and be an idiot....
Please don't judge me. It's even worse that none of my friends what to do it with me except my neighbour who is only 14 years old. That makes it even worse.
This year has been hard. It's been up and down all year.
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